Parental leave is a shared phase of life.
For many couples, parental leave carries a special promise: more time with a child, a new everyday rhythm, perhaps a slower arrival as a family. It is about closeness, care and the question of how the first months with a child should feel.
At the same time, parental leave is not just one person's private time away from work. It changes the shared life. Income shifts, everyday routines are rebuilt, responsibilities are distributed, professional paths pause or change. What first looks like a limited phase can still shape how a couple organises work, care work, time and security afterwards.
For some couples, it is quickly clear who wants to take how much parental leave. One person wants more time at home. One person has the more flexible job. One person earns significantly more. One person wants to return earlier, the other later. All of that can fit.
Parental leave planning does not become fair because every couple chooses the same model. It becomes fair when both people understand what their decision means - for the first months with a child, for shared income, for care work, for returning to work and for long-term security.
The question is therefore not: Who should stay home for how long?
But: How do we shape this phase so that it works for our child, our everyday life and both of us as people?
Why the first period creates new routines
Before having a child, many couples feel relatively equal in how they organise life. Both work, both earn, both have their own routines. Maybe there is already a joint account, maybe costs are split 50/50 or proportionally.
With a child, a new everyday life begins.
There is care, sleep, medical appointments, groceries, clothing, forms, childcare research, emotional work and many small decisions that did not matter before. During this first period, parents do not only build closeness with their child. They also build knowledge, routines and responsibilities.
The person who takes on more care in the first months often knows routines, needs, appointments and everyday details more precisely. That is valuable. At the same time, it can later turn into automatic responsibility if it is not discussed deliberately.
Then it quickly becomes: "You know this better." "It works more easily with you." "Just tell me what to do."
Usually this is not meant badly. It simply shows how a temporary split can become a lasting routine.
That is exactly why it is worth looking at parental leave not only as a number of months, but as the beginning of a new shared everyday life.
What government support can do - and what it cannot solve
Across the DACH region, state frameworks differ significantly. In Germany, parental allowance is an important form of support: couples can generally divide 14 months of basic parental allowance between them if certain requirements are met. One parent can receive a maximum of twelve months of basic parental allowance; the two additional months are so-called partner months. The German Family Portal and the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs provide the current official information on this.1 2
Austria uses different instruments, especially Karenz, the Austrian form of parental leave, and childcare allowance. The legal framework is set out, among other places, in the Childcare Allowance Act, the Maternity Protection Act and the Fathers' Parental Leave Act. Depending on the model, employment situation and division between parents, duration, amount and eligibility requirements can differ.3 4 5
Our guide to childcare allowance in Austria shows how to place the Account, income-related KBG, payment blocks and statutory leave on one shared timeline.
Switzerland again does not use the same parental allowance framework as Germany. Key elements include maternity compensation and compensation for the other parent. The official information from the Federal Social Insurance Office shows that Switzerland follows different, more limited time periods and eligibility rules.6 7
These rules create a framework. But they do not automatically answer the fairness question within the relationship.
Government support does not always replace full income. It does not distribute care work by itself. It does not automatically compensate later career effects. And it does not automatically ensure that both parents have similar levels of responsibility, room for paid work and recovery after parental leave.
So the question is not only: how many months does each person take?
It is also: what does this split change in our everyday life, our income and our future?
Income compensation can be a start
Many couples first think of missing income when they think about fair parental leave. One person earns less during parental leave, so the gap is compensated together.
That can make sense. For many couples, it is an important first step.
If parental leave is a shared decision, the caring person should not carry the short-term income gap alone. A joint account, a different split of fixed costs or a monthly compensation payment can help avoid financial dependency and imbalance.
But income compensation is not the whole question.
Parental leave can also have consequences that are not visible in the current month: less professional visibility, delayed salary growth, a lower savings rate, less private provision, less energy for training, a later return to full-time work or a lasting main responsibility for care and organisation.
That does not mean that every parental leave period is automatically a disadvantage. Many people genuinely want to spend time with their child. For some, a longer parental leave is valuable, right and wanted.
It becomes fair when the couple can hold both in view: the value of this time - and its possible consequences.
Parental leave is not socially neutral
For an individual couple, what fits their real life is what matters. Still, social data helps because private decisions often happen within existing structures.
In Germany, according to the Federal Statistical Office, 39.7 percent of mothers with at least one child under three were in paid employment in 2025. Among fathers with at least one child under three, the employment rate was 88.7 percent.8 9
Unpaid care work is also still distributed unequally. According to the revised results, the Gender Care Gap in Germany was 43.4 percent in 2022; women performed an average of almost nine hours more unpaid work per week than men.10
These numbers do not say how an individual couple should decide. But they show that parental leave, paid work and care work are not distributed by chance. Many couples make their decisions within labour markets, income differences, social expectations and childcare structures that make certain patterns more likely.
Fair Planen therefore does not mean judging couples for their solution.
It means understanding what consequences a solution may have.
Reflection: What does our parental leave really change?
Answer these questions separately first:
- What income differences arise during parental leave?
- What new responsibilities arise during this time?
- Who builds which everyday competence and routines?
- Which professional goals or forms of security should be protected?
- What should be deliberately redistributed after parental leave?
The goal is not to find a perfect split. The goal is to understand what consequences your plan may have.
Part-time work, return to work and professional visibility
Many couples plan parental leave as a limited phase. Afterwards, everything is supposed to go back to normal.
In reality, the transition is often softer. After parental leave come childcare settling-in, sick days, care gaps, reduced opening hours, lack of sleep, household work, mental load and the question of who can regain momentum at work.
Part-time work can be a good and fitting solution. It can create more time with the child, reduce stress and stabilise family life. For some couples, it is exactly right.
At the same time, part-time work is rarely just a weekly-hours question. It can affect income, professional visibility, promotions, training, pension claims and wealth building.
The OECD describes the gender pension gap as the result of different employment histories, income, contribution periods and saving opportunities across the life course. Among pension recipients aged 65 and over, women in OECD countries received around 23 percent lower monthly pensions than men on average in 2024; for Germany, the difference was 26 percent.11 12
Again, these numbers are not a judgement on an individual decision. But they make clear why parental leave and part-time work should not be treated only as short-term family logistics.
If one person reduces paid work for the shared family, that is not only their personal issue. It is a shared decision with possible shared consequences.
Language makes a difference
In many couples, the issue is not only money, but also the language used to talk about money.
It makes a difference whether one person says: "I give you money." Or: "We distribute our family income so that this phase is bearable for both of us."
It makes a difference whether one person says: "You are not working right now." Or: "You are doing unpaid care work."
It makes a difference whether one person says: "I help you with the baby." Or: "I take on my own responsibility."
These formulations are not just more polite. They change how a phase is understood.
The caring person is not less productive. They are doing work that supports the shared life. At the same time, the person in paid work may be carrying financial responsibility and pressure. Both can be real.
A good approach to fairness can hold both at once: paid work and care work are different contributions to a shared life.
When a model seems economically logical
Many parental-leave models arise for pragmatic reasons.
One person earns more, so they continue working. The other earns less, so they stay home longer. That can seem economically sensible - and sometimes it is.
But economically logical does not automatically mean balanced in the long term.
For example: Person A earns 2,600 euros net. Person B earns 4,500 euros net. After the birth, Person A takes twelve months of parental leave and plans part-time work afterwards. Person B takes two months of parental leave and then returns to full-time work.
In the short term, that seems reasonable because the higher income remains stable. In the long term, however, an imbalance can emerge: one person remains professionally visible and continues building income and provision. The other reduces income, savings rate and professional momentum. One person becomes more of the default solution for care and organisation. The other stays more firmly in the paid-work system.
That does not mean this model is wrong. It may be exactly right for this couple.
But it should be understood deliberately as a shared decision - with the question of how possible disadvantages can be shared.
Reflection: What does the return to work need?
If you are planning parental leave, think about the return early:
- When and how does the caring person want to return to work?
- Which working hours, training or visibility should be protected?
- How will sick days, settling-in and care gaps be divided?
- Does each person have their own money, reserves and room to make choices?
- When will you review whether your split still works?
These questions do not have to settle everything. They help you avoid planning parental leave as a one-way street.
Unmarried couples should look more closely
For unmarried couples, deliberate planning is especially important. Not because unmarried couples are less committed, but because certain legal balancing mechanisms do not apply automatically.
If one person reduces paid work, takes on more care work and builds less wealth, this can matter differently in cases of separation, illness, death, property, inheritance or retirement provision than it would for married couples.
That does not mean every couple has to marry. But it does mean: couples who do not marry should understand especially clearly how parental leave, wealth building, provision and responsibility are distributed.
Especially where there are large income differences, self-employment, property plans, international backgrounds or unequal assets, legal or tax advice can be useful.
Fair Planen does not replace advice. It helps identify the topics a couple should talk about.
Parental leave does not end with the last parental allowance month
Many couples focus on the first year of life. Understandably: it is new, intense and hard to plan.
But the fairness question does not end with the last month of parental allowance.
Often it becomes even clearer afterwards: who handles childcare settling-in? Who stays home when the child is sick? Who reduces working hours? Who makes medical appointments? Who organises clothing, care gaps, communication, birthdays, travel or everyday logistics?
Patterns often harden in exactly this phase. Whoever is already more flexible takes over. Whoever has built up more everyday knowledge is asked. Whoever works part-time becomes the obvious solution for the unexpected.
That can be practical. But flexibility has a price.
That is why a later check-in is worthwhile: not only during parental leave, but also after childcare starts, after returning to work or after a larger change.
Short parental-leave phases are a start - but not automatically shared responsibility
Many couples plan two months of parental leave for the father or second parent. That can be valuable, especially if this time is not treated as a holiday, but as real time in charge.
At the same time, a short parental-leave phase does not automatically mean that responsibility is shared equally.
What matters is whether both parents build their own competence. Not just helping, not just taking over when told, but knowing independently what needs to be done.
Can each person handle a day, a weekend or several days independently with all everyday questions? Does each person know appointments, routines, clothes, medication, childcare and important contacts? Can each person make decisions without first receiving a full set of instructions?
These questions are not meant as a test. They show whether responsibility is really shared - or whether one person is still managing the whole system.
Planning parental leave fairly is not distrust
Some couples worry that conversations about money, retirement savings, return to work or compensation are unromantic. Especially while looking forward to a child, you may not want to talk about part-time consequences, pension gaps or financial dependency.
That is understandable.
But these conversations are not distrust. They can be care.
They prevent one person from saying years later: "I did this for us, but in the end it was my loss." And they prevent the other person from saying: "I did not know it felt that way for you."
Good planning does not protect against every strain. But it creates a shared language before overload, exhaustion or financial imbalances arise.
What couples can clarify early
Parental leave does not have to be planned perfectly. Much can only be decided once the child is there and everyday life becomes real.
Still, there are several areas that should be clear early.
It is about available income during parental leave. It is about each person having their own money. It is about savings rates, reserves and provision. It is about care responsibility, return to work, sick days, care gaps and the question of when you review things again.
This is not a to-do list that a couple has to complete in full. It is more like a map.
It shows that parental leave is not only measured in months. It is made of money, time, responsibility, professional development and long-term security.
Conclusion: parental leave is a shared responsibility
Planning parental leave fairly does not mean calculating every euro, every nappy and every hour against each other.
It means recognising this: when one person takes on more care, they contribute more than time. They contribute responsibility, energy, professional risk and possibly long-term financial consequences.
Income compensation can be important. But it is only one part of the question.
Parental leave planning is fair when both people can see: what does this decision cost today? What could it change in the long term? And how do we make sure that shared decisions are not carried one-sidedly?
Parental leave is not a break from real life. It is one of the moments in which a shared life becomes especially concrete.
Planning fairly therefore means: do not wait to talk about compensation until an imbalance is already there. Clarify early, together, how money, care work, return to work and the future will be distributed.
Frequently asked questions about parental leave and financial compensation
How can couples compensate financially for parental leave?
Compensation can take the form of a joint account, a different division of fixed costs or regular payments to the person whose income falls during parental leave. Look beyond the monthly shortfall and include saving rates, pension provision, reserves and career consequences.
What should couples clarify financially before parental leave?
Discuss early how much income will be lost, which public benefits are realistic, how fixed costs will be covered, whether both people retain personal money, how savings will be used and when the arrangement will be reviewed.
Is replacing lost income enough?
Often it is not. Parental leave can also have long-term consequences: reduced professional visibility, lower saving rates, less private pension provision, a delayed return to work or lasting primary responsibility for care. Couples should discuss those effects too.
Why is parental leave a shared issue for the couple?
Because it affects more than the person who stays at home. It changes income, time, responsibility, care work, career development and the couple’s shared future. When the decision is made together, its consequences should be visible and shared as well.
Free Conversation Starter for couples
If you are planning a child or want to talk early about parental leave, money and care work, the Fair Planen Conversation Starter helps you clarify parental leave, money, care work and the return to work early - without needing to find a perfect solution right away.
If you want to go deeper, the Fair Planen Workbook guides you step by step through cost sharing, account models, shared costs, care work, parental leave and future planning.